The Perfection Affliction

Ah-h-h! The New Year! Revved up and rarin’ to go? I’m betting that when most of us think of  the words “New Year”, we think of

resolutions, goals, starting anew

If making resolutions is a part of your new year, I hope you are a winner! Some reports say that by the first week of January, 25% of resolutions are not met. And by June the number is 88%! I remember having a special spiral notebook—one of those smaller ones, 4 x6. It had a metallic silver cover and I used a permanent marker to label it in thick capital letters: RESOLUTIONS !!

I’d use a variety of thin markers in a rainbow of colors to color-code “most important” to “least important” of my resolutions. I’d create a chart with a column for daily check-ins and another column for comments. Invariably, goals like ‘no chocolate except on weekends‘ and ‘run 3 mornings a week‘ and ‘get to bed by 10:30‘ were there as top priorities, so they were in bright green. Others would not be so imperative: ‘write old friends once a month‘ or ‘read more‘, so they were aqua blue. I don’t recall ever using the notebook longer than through February. Life took over and I realized my work and home priorities had more power in my life than those fuzzy personal resolutions.

I haven’t written resolutions for at least 15 years now. But I used to. I sometimes wondered what it was about me that couldn’t follow through. (By the way I have a new system that feels VERY successful, but that’s for another topic and time on this blog.) There are many theories about why people do not succeed with their New Year’s Resolutions. I have a theory too (not based on any research, just observing myself and others over time). I think, for some people, failed resolutions is all about perfectionism.

The Perfection Affliction

One symptom of perfectionism is procrastination. Putting off a goal or a task is safe; because if it can’t be done just right, I’d rather not do it at all! Right along with procrastination is the ‘never-try-then-I-won’t-fail’ symptom. These symptoms can really wrap you up in chains. Failure is just not an option to a perfectionist. This affliction can stop you dead in your tracks.

I remember how this malady became up front and real to me when I saw it in some of the dearest, youngest people I knew. Most of my teaching years were with the little guys—5, 6, and 7 year olds. It amazed me to see behaviors of a perfectionist in such dear, sweet, little people. Tears, torn paper from erasing, avoiding something new and fun, hiding unfinished projects, lying, belittling others.

I was bewildered that those so young could already have such entrenched, hardened attitudes about themselves. I began to take a look at my expectations of the children I taught, of my own daughters, and of myself. It took a lot of positive talk and patient acceptance to unlock the chains. But that became a ongoing mission of mine.

Perfectionism destroys hope!!

“Perfectionism is a time-stealing, energy-draining monster. It forces you to strive for unachievable outcomes because no matter what you do, it’s not good enough…Perfectionists will often not complete things, not start things, or not take on projects for fear of not being able to perform ‘perfectly’…They maintain unrealistic expectations of themselves and of others and will often micromanage causing undo stress on themselves and others.” (JFuimano, Career Coach)

Perfectionism is an illusion, a myth, as captivating as a star and every bit as beyond our reach. Perfectionism is a man staggering with thirst on a scorching desert who is compelled to pursue, with what little strength he has left, the mirage of a well-watered oasis he will never experience….A “perfectionist” views the world through a hyper-critical eye, is given to all-or-nothing thinking and is perpetually unhappy with himself and/or displeased with others. (Dan Blanchard, Christian psychologist quoted in the blog God Speaks Today)

So where does perfectionism fit in with the life of one who loves God?

What does God say about seeking perfection?

Aren’t we supposed to become more and more like Christ, who was perfect?

If you or I have struggles with the affliction of perfectionism, what can our faith do in the midst of it all?

Join me this new month of this new year as we take an earnest look at these questions, and together we can seek God’s Truth along the way.

Christ has set us free. He wants us to enjoy freedom.

So stand firm. Don’t let the chains of slavery hold you again. Galatians 5:1