Throughout the week I kept thinking about (and being led to consider!!) adding a post about fathers to my Kids. There’s a couple of directions this could take:
Dads – you are the best – you’re so important in the lives of kids.
Dads – shape up – why have you ignored your God-given role?
Right away I can see that both statements are too black and white, too conclusive, to0 said and done. Whether we are children or have had the blessing to be parents, I’m betting you would agree that there’s too much gray in between the words. So…I guess I’ll share a little about both!
Dads – you are the best – you’re so important in the lives of kids.
To start I would need to say that the word ‘men’ could be parenthetically be put next to the word ‘Dads’. I don’t want to exclude uncles, friends, teachers, neighbors, coaches – all the men that have the opportunity to give value to the children that you may encounter. During the many years of teaching whenever students had the opportunity to interact with a guy it was pure joy for them: another teacher who was male, a fireman coming in to talk, a dad who chose to spend time reading to the class. In the female-dominated world of elementary schools, there are too few times that kids would get the male version of life.
There’s something special and valuable happening when children work with, listen to, and interact with a man who is comfortable with being a guy. They are all ears! They observe carefully his actions. They soak in the way he responds to them.
Now, I’m ta
lking about a positive, respectful, fun, and thoughtful interaction. One where the dad, uncle, grandpa, camp counselor, neighbor takes the time to listen, who reveals his respect more with action than words, who has just plain fun being with kids, and who doesn’t dwell on the fussiness that us women seem to get hung up on.
There’s so many good things that children can gain from being with their dads. Here’s a post from a Facebook friend that said it so well: “Things about my dad-strong hands/his unconditional love & words of encouragement…his hugs/kisses EVERY time you came/left…he made everyone feel welcome…his humble spirit & genuine desire to make the world a better place. Funny-none of these involve things he bought me.” (C. Edmonson)
Dear Dads of the world ~ Be a big, positive part of your children’s lives. Leave that legacy.
Dads – shape up – why have you ignored your God-given role?
I’m not going to look up statistics to throw at you because I think everyone understands this statement. It’s not just the divorces, or the father who’s too busy, or the dad who isn’t comfortable around kids so he ignores them.
Ephesians 6:4 “ Fathers, do not make your children angry, but raise them with the training and teaching of the Lord.“
Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.”
Proverbs 4:1 “My children, listen when your father corrects you. Pay attention and learn good judgment.”
The way I read this is that fathers are to train and teach (one version uses ‘discipline’) their children but in such a way that they don’t provoke them or alienate them. To teach them how to love God and to serve Him, but in such a way that resentment or fear does not come into play. That’s a pretty big job–and definitely not easy. Especially when the woman in your life takes over. We often have put roadblocks in your way. And in front of the children!
‘Don’t be so hard on her.’
‘You are never around, it’s no wonder he doesn’t listen to you.’
‘Here let me show you how to do it.’
OK, I will confess, and hopefully other women will too. But THAT IS NOT AN EXCUSE! Don’t quit doing what God has made you to do: Be your child’s best example of leadership! Lovingly, respectfully, tell her “Please let me be the dad.” Be ready to forgive and ask for it. Don’t give up so easily. Kids love you and so do the women in your life.
Here’s some references that reflect my hope for all dads (and other men who are with kids). Please pass this on to anyone you think would benefit from this post. Thanks! and…Happy Fathers’ Day!
Cheri
June 22, 2011 at 10:09 am (15 years ago)Thanks for sharing, Suzanne. I have often thought that part of the reason some people have difficulty relating to God the Father is because they had difficulty relating to their earthly fathers. When Pat and I were first married, I would project characteristics of my father onto him. I misinterpreted what he said or his intentions because I was expecting him to think and act like my father. We were able to overcome that early on. But sometimes I think we project characteristics of our fathers onto our Heavenly Father. What do you think?
Suzanne
June 24, 2011 at 2:38 am (15 years ago)Dear Cheri, Thank you for sharing this important piece of how we connect with our Heavenly Father. It can be a very tough place to be for men and women who do not know what it feels like to have a loving, forgiving father relationship. I definitely agree that as humans we are limited in understanding the complexity of the Heavenly Father/child relationship especially when our own experience was very muddled or sadly gone. You must be very grateful that you and Pat overcame that hurdle. Thanks, s
Eileen Keller
June 22, 2011 at 7:15 am (15 years ago)I hope that as a single mom & the ONLY parent that my children know, that I am giving everything that they need & that the men that are supports in my life- Grandpa, Uncles, Godfathers & Friends will give them every thing else
Suzanne
June 24, 2011 at 2:33 am (15 years ago)Yes Eileen, Isn’t great that you have found wonderful men for your children to learn from and watch? You are an example of a single mom who knows how important this is in their young lives. Keep praying, s
Faith
June 20, 2011 at 2:06 am (15 years ago)Thanks for this Suzanne. It is so critical for children – boys and girls – to have good, solid, strong male role models in their lives; men who are caring, strong, leaders, good citizens, patient, responsible, have such good character that they are respected and looked up to, and the list goes on and on. Too few children grow up with only a mother or with a terrible example of what it means to be a male role model.
Faith
June 20, 2011 at 2:09 am (15 years ago)I meant to say at the end of my previous comment that far too MANY children grow up with only a mother or with a terrible example of what it means to be a male role model.
Suzanne
June 24, 2011 at 2:31 am (15 years ago)Dear Faith, Yes, yes, yes! There are lots of caring, loving men who have the potential to be good role models. I’m praying that more children are in their midst. Single moms carry a huge load. Many do seek strong role models with their own dads, or neighbors, coaches, teachers, friends. I hope many more do seek that for their children. Thanks for sharing, Suzanne